So It Begins...

Real Life.

Not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm slowly getting into the "Job Interviewing" thing. Had a couple - have gone really well. I've decided to be upfront with prospective employers about my health status - and I have found that their jaws drop...the response is always the same "You look so healthy". Now in all my years of perfecting singing & acting, there has never been a better compliment to me than that. So perhaps my outlook on life because of Cancer is totally changing - for the better!

I got my Stella Kitty back...she is deliriously happy to be back with Mommy (she's the best kisser in the world):


She has been a source of joy & healing for me. I didn't realize how much I've missed her. She's like my "Kid" that I never have been able to have.

As a part of the job hunting thing, I have perfected my Wig...I think. I've gotten it to look like "me"...and very professional looking:


It feels so funny to look in the mirror and see me with "hair"...since losing it, I've gone with the hats/bandanas, and it really does wonders for my self-esteem to put on make-up, and really feel like "me" again, and not "Cancer Girl". I went through a stage where I believed that nobody would want to date me, because of my health status, and lack of hair...but I'm starting to get back to the real me, who knows that I'm semi-attractive, and that someone will care/love me again from the inside-out. See...I'm not that bad looking...even WITHOUT hair:


I've started working on a few shows...behind-the-scenes, of course...just to try & prove to people that I'm up to it. It's great to be social again. And the shows are really cool, and the people are amazing to work with.

So hopefully by my next posting, I will have a job...and maybe be doing some stuff on-stage. I sang for the first time publicly (sans Karaoke...which doesn't count), to great feedback. So maybe I'll get back into the swing of things...and hopefully find a good voice teacher to help me with some of the notes that I've lost due to Chemo (it affected my vocal chords a bit). But I've found that since the Cancer, that I've been putting more emphasis on the lyrics than sounding "perfect" (well, as perfect as I can). So many vocal teachers & directors (well, one inparticular, whom I greatly respect) have been trying to tell me that it isn't about sounding perfect...but to "feel" the song (and not put my hands on my hips!)...and I've finally gotten it. Shit, I wish I would have realized this before putting my body through hell!

To sum it up, I'm doing pretty well. Getting better by the day. Still really tired all of the time, but that too is getting better.

Besos,
Kimmy

Where to Go From Here...

I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Work, yes. Theater, of course.


I think about being in the hospital a lot. My memories are starting to come back, and it really puts me in a melancholy state. Perhaps this is why they prescribed Ativan :)

I've been stuck in the Cornfields of Central Illinois for the past month, and I never thought I'd say this...but...I really miss Little Rock. And the friends that I've sort of ignored while going through Chemo.

I miss singing...I miss performing. It's been a year since I've been onstage (actually by my own volition until February).

The one good thing that's come out of the Chemo thing (in my opinion...NOT my doc's) is that I've lost over 50 lbs. - the first time in YEARS that I feel decent about my looks...except for the whole "no hair" thing.

Ick. I need to get over myself.

...Remission Happiness!

Sorry for the delay, y'all.

It's been a rough couple of months (4 to be exact).

Here was the deal, after numerous biopsies and a PET Scan, they found out that I had multiple hypermetabolic nodes in the left cervical, bilateral axillary regions. Also, multiple large masses and nodal conglomerates were noted in the abdomen and pelvis. There was involvement in the L1 & L2 vertebrae, and the left ilium. Foci was noted in my spleen, which was also enlarged.

Friggin' scary, no? So immediately after I had the diagnosis of Diffuse Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, I was finally able to start Chemotherapy. To be honest, the past four months has been a bit of a blur - lots of puking, not a lot of eating. LOTS of pain meds.

After 6 rounds (one round every 21 days), I had another PET Scan, and they found out that the Cancer is completely GONE. Nada. Just some bone deterioration from the tumors in my bone marrow (in my vertebrae and hip).

Whoo-hoo!!! I'm just having one more Chemo Treatment on Thursday "to be on the safe side". I would soooo much rather have one more treatment, and make sure we got it all than have to go through another 6-8 rounds in 6 months.

Medical Madness

So, for the last week & 1/2, I have had this horribly swollen leg. When talking to my people, they seemed to think that I had a blood clot.

So on Saturday one of my best friends took me to the ER. Unfortunately, the UltraSound department (Vascular Lab) was closed on the weekend. So, they gave me a script for Vicodin & 3 shots of blood thinners, so I could come back & get the Ultra Sound on Monday morning.

While getting the US (by myself), the technician told me that she didn't see any clots, which was a HUGE relief for me. Until she said "I have something on the report that I need for you to take down to the ER".

I opened the report & it said "There seems to be an obstruction in the Vena Cava, or Iliac Blood Vessel". Weird.

I get back to the ER, and the doctor tells me that they need to do a CT scan of my hip area, as they believed that there was a blood clot higher up than where the Ultra Sound was able to determine. Cool, right?

So, he gives me two percocet, and puts in an IV for the CT scan, so the blood vessles/veins/arteries will show up. I go, and come back really quickly. But I notice that the CT scan keeps going back to my pelvis reigon. Strange, but I was pretty stoned, so I didn't think anything of it.

About 3 hours later, the doctor walks in looking really worried. He says "I hate to bring this really bad news. You have a large mass on your pelvis, and it's looking like a lymphoma or some other kind of blood cancer".

CANCER??? I'm 33. This isn't supposed to happen to me...not now.

But it has. They immediately admit me as an inpatient, the very next day they do a PET Scan, which actualy is a very cool tool that they are able to "cut up" the image, like you would do in a biopsy. From there, they were able to confirm that it is lymphoma.

I have biopsies tomorrow on my bone marrow & Lymph Nodes to see if it's non-Hodgkins or Hodgkins Lymphoma (I'm feverently hoping for non - it's a lot easier to treat, and a much higher survival rate).

I wish to thank EVERYONE for their well-wishes, love, and support. This is a pretty rough time for me, and you all are the best friends a girl could ever have.

Specifically, big thanks to my Mom & Dad, my sister Katie Spoon, Michael Brown, Danette Perry, Regi & Jeremy Bragg for going above & beyond the call of duty.

Love you all.

When Life Hands You a Curveball...

...Fucking hit it back, I guess is the moral of this story.

I was laid off Monday. For no fault of my own, for once. The economy. Blech.

So, I'd been going back & forth when/if I should move back to Little Rock for about the past 6 months or so. Now it is definite. I am moving into the "Gay Trucker's" house. $400/month, all-inclusive - and tons of privacy.

It's a little melancholy. I was hoping that I had changed enough that I could move back here, and make a good life for myself. But I've never been happy here. I don't think it's this town, per se, but my frame of mind while I'm here.

Being 500 miles away gives me a real sense of independance, and as much as I do love the theater scene here...I feel more comforable in Little Rock as an artist.


So, I'm moving December 29th. The day after I turn 33.

Weird Times to Be Had By All

I'm not listening to the weather forecast. Ever again.

I just bought 3 scrumptous, long cable knit sweaters. One in Navy Blue, one in oatmeal, and the other in gray/black. Yay!

Nooo...the weatherman told me that it was supposed to be cold & snowy today.

Thanks...but it's like 60 degrees and humid as hell. Ick. I'm sweating :)

OBAMANATION!!!!

Words alone cannot express how absolutely exhilirated I am feeling today.

Actually...a bit hungover.

After eight years of dictatorship in this great nation of ours, a change has finally come...or we'll get to it.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that in my lifetime I would see an African American as president. I'm so delirious.

And I spent the night cavorting with someone who is incredibly well-versed in this subject (and not bad on the eyes, either).

Life is good :)

Signed, Sealed, Delivered....

NBC: OBAMA WINS

Waiting on the World to Change....

Suck it, old man!

Rock the Barack!

Yet Again...

Ok, so there is nothing that burns my ass more than to be ignored.

I have a dear friend who is going through some troubling times...tells me on Thursday "I'll tell you all about it today...I promise".

Nothing. It's now Sunday. I think I should be done. Should I?

I'm a mess over it. I wish I knew the answers.

I wish I could just be THAT person, and say "Fuck 'em".

But they're in a bad place right now, so I think it's best for me to just sit back. But I'm sooo not a passive person.

Ugh.

Caring sucks when it's not reciporated.

My Photo Shoot

Done in the 3rd Floor bathroom at the Hoogland.

Geek. Be. Me.

Something I shoulda done a long time ago

I'm going to start posting some stuff I've been recording - on my fave karaoke site singsnap.com - so bear with me :)

The Play's the Thing...To Actors, Anyway

I would like to share a letter to the editor from one of my local acting "heroes" (maybe I'll do a blog about all of my heroes at one point or another):

Great performances in ‘Elephant Man’
I am writing to concur with Nick Rogers’ review of “The Elephant Man” presented at Theatre in the Park at Lincoln’s New Salem State Historic Site. Nick is not one to be impressed easily, nor am I. His review indicates he was extremely impressed and he didn’t even get to see the complete show. Well, I had the good fortune of seeing the entire show Saturday night, and I was moved and impressed beyond words. Matt Husky’s portrayal of John Merrick is absolutely stunning. Every movement, every moment is painfully but beautifully executed. Merrick’s intelligence and humanity are never overshadowed by his disfigurements. As Nick aptly stated, “It’s a compelling, dedicated performance that’s riveting in body and voice.” His performance is complimented by the fine acting of the rest of the cast. Bruce Davidson does indeed explode dramatically as Dr. Frederick Treves. It is a sensitive, powerful, heart wrenching display of conscience. Deborah Kerley’s very natural performance of Mrs. Kendal is equally fine. What is noteworthy is that this is her theater debut.

My heartfelt thanks to Valeria Parga and her entire cast and crew for an unforgettable theater experience. My second reason for writing is to encourage everyone who considers themselves a patron of the theater to see this show. I am greatly saddened when I attend dramatic performances and see half the seats empty. When shows like this and “The Gin Game,” performed a few weeks ago, draw crowds of fewer than 100, and yet any musical in town will attract hundreds, something is amiss.

I do not wish to detract from the fine performances offered in musicals, nor get into the debate about what is “real” theater, but if we are to continue to have a stimulating array of shows to choose from, we must support these shows by our attendance.
Martha Plog Springfield

“The Elephant Man” will be presented at 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday at Theatre in the Park at Lincoln’s New Salem State Historic Site. Free pre-show entertainment begins at 7 p.m. each night."

I must concur with Ms. Plog's evaluation of Musicals vs. "Straight" Plays.

I began as an actress. I couldn't sing to save my life. So, I really consider myself an Actress/Singer...and Ms. Plog, may I commend you on speaking the truth.

It isn't just Springfield...every town where I've done community theater...if you want everyone in town to see you...do a musical. If you're doing it for "arts' sake"...do a straight play.

Wish it wasn't like that...but it's what the audiences love...

My Weight Loss

Okay, so I really wasn't intending to start a diet regimen. Honestly, I wasn't

But after the split/move, I suddenly lost my appetite. I think for 3-4 days, I stopped eating.

Then, when my folks went to Alaska, I started binging again, and Georgia kind of "meanly" got my mind back in gear.

So, I stopped snacking & drinking only diet coke. I went to H20, and iced tea. And cut out chips almost altogether. Then, when we started rehearsaing @ the Muni, I think the sweat really helped me shed some pounds.

My jeans are falling off now (which is a double-edged sword...), and I feel sooo much healthier.

To keep it off, I've begun walking Prissy dog in Iles park at least once a day (the whole length of the park...which should be a good 1/2 mile, at least). And I'm not winded afterwards!

Before:



After:

A Crazy Law

Ok, I rode my bike as a kid. Loved it! But 9 times out of 10, I rode on the sidewalk.

I was informed on Sunday that there is a state law which prohibits bicyclists from riding on the sidewalk. ????????????

In the State Journal Register here in lover-ly Springfield, Illinois - there was a letter to the editor blasting a driver for accidentally hitting a cyclist.

Okay. I almost hit a cyclist the other day. Not because I'm a bad driver. But because this drunken bastard was weaving all over the road like he owned it.

If the law is that cyclists have to use the road, might I propose something:

1. Paint bicycle lanes on the roads. Not just in the parks.
2. Make it illegal for intoxicated cyclists.
3. USE YOUR HAND SIGNALS WHEN RIDING YOUR BIKE
4. You don't own the road - watch for traffic. If you see an oncoming car....MOVE!!!!

I'm Back to Real Blogging

Monday night, in the Quad Cities, a 4 year old boy died when a tree fell on his tent.

Sad.

BUT...here's the really...um "interesting" part...a 9-month-old baby was in the tent with him. And the parents were in a different tent.

Ok, I'm not a parent, but I'm a pretty good aunt & "Child rounder", and holy shit...when my niece & nephews were that age, I doubt they would be in a different room sleeping away from their parents...much less have them camping in the woods in a tent.

This just proves my point, that people should be licensed to have children. When there are those of us who would give their eye teeth to have a baby without all sorts of freakish drugs.

Theater, Theater, Theater...what else is new?

Two completely different subjects, but they all relate to my favorite obsession...theater. Ladies and gentlemen...(or should I say lady and one dude?)I must steal from Stephen Colbert for just a moment:

I CALLED IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, my lowly 2 readers. If you will remember a little blog that I wrote in January (re: http://kimitasrantingsandravings.blogspot.com/2008/01/they-must-be-on-crack-in-new-salem.html). Well, do I have an update for you.

Let's call him Joe Bob. Joe Bob smokes crack. Joe Bob directed a show. Joe bob steals all of the t-shirt and dvd money. Moral of the story: Someone please put Joe Bob in prison.

To bad the powers that be didn't listen. Didn't ask. Didn't read my fantabulous blog. Until it was too late. Bless you, TIP. I didn't want this to put you guys at risk.

Next time picking a new director, ask around. Do a criminal background check.

I cannot believe that sociopathic asshole. Grow up, Joe Bob.

Subject Two: My Return to Muni

Um...awesome. That's it.

Read the review...I'm having an awesome time!

http://www.sj-r.com/theater/x469158562/Review-The-Secret-Garden-pairs-joyful-set-stunning-cast

Bless You, Muni Opera

So, I backed down, and auditioned for "The Secret Garden" at Springfield Muni Opera - even though everything within my soul said to me "Why are you doing this?"...

I began auditioning for Muni at the ripe old age of 13. I was not cast in a show until I was 17.

I moved away from Springfield when I was 22, and moved back when I was 29. I auditioned for Muni AGAIN in 2006, and was rejected ONCE again. So I gave up.

But I absolutely adore "The Secret Garden", and am convinced that I will be involved in this show SOMETIME before I die...or before my voice is gone.

So, I auditioned for basically any female role. I didn't care.

They had me read for Mrs. Medlock, which was the ONLY role I didn't list on my audition sheet...I thought I was too young.

I was called back for Mrs. Medlock, reading against 2 of the best actresses in Springfield. And I got it.

Ah...I will be chewing up LOTS of scenery this summer!!!!

Thuper-Duper-Duper Tuesday

Ok...so it's another crazy Thuper Tuesday. And does anyone really care?

I wish I could say I'm for Obama, or Clinton. But I just don't know. Bill is really pissing me off lately. He used to be the BEST active listener that I'd ever met. Now he just seems to have diarrhea of the mouth.

Who knows. I want that Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama ticket more than life...but I have a feeling that Ms. Rodham would never be anyone's VP.

Ugh. And this superdelegates thing - this will tear the democratic party in two.

Life goes on.

What's Up With Me?

Well, I finally got a job offer that does the amazing thing - blends my passion & office/customer skills. Ticket sales assistant at Sangamon Auditorium . Craziness. Making decent money...and benefits, including a waiver for free tuition/fees for 11 credit hours per semester.

Craziness.